no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
