I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dick very happy bro
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
