She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
