Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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