We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
