Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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