girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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