people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
