I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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