I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
