He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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