All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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