you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
