Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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