sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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