I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize