Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We smell like vodka and hangover
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