I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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