Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize