I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
