my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
