thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
