Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
