If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
we should paint friendship bongs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
