You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
