It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone signed my nipple.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
