Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
