Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
