Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
