Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
be right there i have to get my cape
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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