dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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