im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
