I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
