girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
