I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
