btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
