i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
