look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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