Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
