I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
