i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
