next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
