Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm too high and old for this...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
