I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize