He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
