I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
