Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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