Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
