i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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