she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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