wat bout pragnant strippers??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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