please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
