at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
