but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
