i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
