She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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