Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
