Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
