It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
