did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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