could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
