Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
