we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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