That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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