Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
