I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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