My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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