Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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