I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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