i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
