I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
