I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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